As the Deer Pants for Water

 Some years ago, my life was very hard. Which was nothing new for me. Life has always been hard for me.  But during this time, so hard that I began to entertain thoughts of leaving my husband. Our oldest child was out of our home by now and our sons were teenagers. I just wanted out of the mess of a life we were living.

We were in church and at that point, I loved the friendships I had made there, and the ministries that God had led us to.

All looked good on the outside. But it was the inside that I had no peace even though God had delivered us from so much by then.

It was during that church lifetime, that a few of the women went to an annual weekend retreat to Ripley, W.VA. What an experience that was. To get together for a whole weekend after leaving the problems at home, to be with so many women that loved and worshipped the same God that I did. 

It hadn't been that I didn't love God. I did. And I was trying to live a life pleasing to Him. But I was struggling with ME. 

And the one song that I remember from that weekend that I learned, came from Psalm 42:1.

 As a deer pants for flowing streams,

    so pants my soul for you, O God.

I realized that it was God whom I had been panting after. Longing for something that was missing in my life.

His Peace

I went home from that beautiful weekend with a different attitude.

Oh, believe me, those feelings of wanting "out" didn't just go away. I struggled with them for quite some time and had even decided that once our youngest son graduated high school, I was leaving once and for all.

But God had other plans for me. And He used several ways in order to get that through my head. 

The funny thing is. Real peace to me did not actually come until the morning of September 11, 2001.  Before we even knew about what was to go on in New York City etc, that day and I contemplated what I would be doing. I realized for the first time in a long time, that God's peace was washing over me. Much more would blow up that morning. The towers in NY, and my plans to do what I had been wanting to do. 

And although things still have never been easy in my life even to this day, my husband I celebrated our 51st wedding anniversary last year. 

Amazing, isn't it? 

How God helps us keep things together until He gets it worked out in our lives. 

Even while we might still be struggling at times.

He is with us.

And so long as we desire Him...

above all else.

Thanks for coming by today, Friends. May God give you the peace you long for in Him, no matter what is going on in your life. I would encourage you to look up this song: As the Deer Pants For the Water. I am sure you will find it as calming to your spirit as do I.

God Bless!