Years ago, I held a lot of unforgiveness towards my mother. I won't go into all of that. I think I have earlier in this blog told about it and it wasn't until my own daughter had become a young adult and around that time God had worked through some circumstances that I learned that forgiveness is a choice. I laid down that which had been stolen from me (a good relationship with my mother) to just love and appreciate her in the way that God wanted me to.
I am so glad that it happened the way it did because only a few short years later she went on to be with Jesus and someday I will be with her there too. Those last years were the best that I had ever had with her.
So how do we forgive those that have deeply hurt us?
The greatest part of my experience was to understand that I had no right to hold anything against my mother.
She probably didn't even realize she was hurting not only myself but others in the family. Why? Because she was diagnosed with some serious mental issues.
And I had no right to hold anything against her for that and the most important reason was because JESUS FORGAVE Me of all my sin!
I am providing some real good information from another website to help you. The advice is good because it is biblical.
Please read on:
Forgiveness is never easy, especially when someone has hurt you deeply. You may be wrestling with feelings of anger, betrayal, and resentment. While these emotions are normal, holding on to bitterness can be destructive to your emotional and spiritual well-being
The Bible has much to say about the importance of forgiveness and provides practical ways to let go of negativity and restore relationships. If you’re wondering how to forgive someone biblically, this comprehensive guide will walk you through the scriptural basis and practical steps.
Key steps include prayerfully examining your heart, releasing anger and desire for revenge, communicating with humility, and restoring the relationship when possible.
Examine Biblical Teachings on Forgiveness
Forgiveness Is a Choice
Forgiveness is not an emotion, but rather a conscious choice and act of the will. Although emotions like anger, sadness or betrayal are natural responses when wronged, the Bible calls believers to choose forgiveness instead of holding on to bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Forgiveness is empowered by God’s grace, as we remember how much we have been forgiven by Him (Matthew 18:21-35). It’s an act of obedience, as Scripture repeatedly commands it (Colossians 3:13)
Choosing to forgive someone who hurt you deeply is extremely difficult in our own strength. But God promises to provide the grace and power to forgive others, just as He has forgiven us (2 Corinthians 12:9). As we turn to Him, He can change our hearts and free us from bitterness.
Forgive as You Have Been Forgiven
The Bible reminds us that we have all sinned and fallen short of God’s standards (Romans 3:23). Yet while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). God took the initiative to forgive us freely, even though we didn’t deserve it.
He expects His followers to forgive others in the same way – freely and fully, without requiring the other person to earn it.
Forgiveness may be one of the most difficult commands in Scripture, but God enables us by His grace and example. As 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
We can draw strength from God’s promise to keep forgiving us when we confess our sins to Him.
Forgiveness Brings Freedom
Unforgiveness acts like a poison inside our hearts, affecting our emotions and relationships. But letting go of bitterness through forgiveness brings tremendous freedom. Forgiveness is as much about helping ourselves as the other person.
Studies show that cultivating a forgiving heart benefits our mental and physical health (source). It reduces anxiety, depression and stress. People who forgive have healthier and more meaningful relationships. Most importantly, forgiveness frees us to move forward in life with joy and peace.
As author Lewis Smedes wrote, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” This liberating power of forgiveness is a key reason why God commands it so strongly throughout the Bible.
Reflect on Your Heart
Ask God to Search Your Heart
When someone has hurt us, it’s natural to harbor resentment and bitterness. However, the Bible calls us to forgive others just as God has forgiven us (Colossians 3:13). An important step is asking God to search our hearts for any hidden bitterness or unresolved anger.
We can pray, “Lord, please reveal any bitterness in my heart toward this person. Help me to see them through your eyes of compassion.” As God brings issues to mind, confess them and ask Him to cleanse your heart of all malice (1 John 1:9).
Releasing resentment frees us to follow Jesus’ command to “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).
Let Go of Bitterness
Bitterness can seem like a protection mechanism – if we hold on to anger, we won’t be hurt again. But in reality, bitterness harms us even more than the original offense. It steals joy, poisons relationships, and hinders our fellowship with God.
God’s Word urges us to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (Ephesians 4:31). We release bitterness by making a decision to forgive – even if emotions lag behind.
We can pray, “Lord, by faith I release this bitterness and choose to forgive. Please replace these hurtful emotions with your love and peace.”
Replacing bitter thoughts with thankful ones is also powerful. When resentment surfaces, we can mentally list blessings we’re grateful for – countering bitterness with thanksgiving
Have Empathy for the Offender
Considering what may have motivated the person who hurt you can develop understanding and compassion. The Bible says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
Thinking about what pain or insecurity they may feel can inspire empathy and create space for forgiveness to grow.
We might pray, “Lord, please help me see this situation from their perspective. Soften my heart with your compassion for them.” As we receive God’s mercy, we can extend it to others, releasing both parties from the offense’s grip.
Take Practical Steps
Communicate Your Decision to Forgive
Once you have made the internal decision to forgive someone who has wronged you, it is important to communicate that decision to them (Matthew 18:15). This opens the door to reconciliation and restoration of the relationship. However, it must be done sensibly and with wisdom:
- Be clear about what you are forgiving them for exactly.
- Assure them you have let go of bitterness and resentment.
- Set healthy boundaries if trust needs to be rebuilt.
- Offer to meet in person if appropriate to demonstrate your sincerity.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of How Can I Forgive You? : The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, openly declaring your forgiveness to the offender helps reinforce it in your own heart and mind (Reference).
Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean the relationship goes back to the way it was before, at least not right away. Trust and intimacy may need to be rebuilt slowly over time if major breaches have occurred (Reference).
As such, setting wise boundaries can be essential to the process of restoring the relationship without leaving yourself vulnerable to further hurts. Some key things to keep in mind:
- State clearly what behaviors you will no longer tolerate.
- Agree together on what the new “rules” will be going forward.
- Calmly enforce the boundaries if violations occur.
- Gradually expand trust as consistency is demonstrated.
According to marriage counselors Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, authors of the popular book Boundaries, biblical forgiveness does not require anyone to make themselves unsafe or expose themselves recklessly to abuse or manipulation (Reference).
Wise boundaries enable testing and growth of the relationship over time. (source: christianwebsite.com)
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