Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
The waiting room that day was empty of anyone else except my father and I. He had called me the night before asking if I would go to the hospital with him the next day because my mother had been admitted and they were going to run some tests on her. It did not look good he had said. I sat with him and thankfully there was no one else except the two of us to wait on the results of her tests. My mind started playing the song "It is well with my soul..." For some reason, I knew the news was not going to be good but that song playing over and over as I sat quietly with my head bowed, gave me a real sense of peace.
God does not operate on a time schedule like we think he should. He has his own agenda His own timing. and his own way of doing whatever it is he is going to do.
There were many years that I did not get along with my mother very well. She had mental health issues for at least most of my life and I am sure they started before I was born. I did not understand that for a long time, and she did not really know how to raise and nurture me and the two made for a poor mix of a good mother and daughter relationship.
I began to understand more about her in my 40s when I had my own teenage daughter to raise. I wasn't so great at motherhood myself not having a good mother figure.
It was not until the last couple years of her life that mom and I became closer. She had just gotten to the place where she was giving up on life and I would go to see her and spend time talking with her in her bedroom as she rested. We had some good talks during that time to really get to know each other. At least on a better level.
Now here we were waiting to see what her tests were going to show and instead of being nervous and upset, God was giving me a peace about it, unlike something that probably I had never known until sitting there at that very moment.
When we got the report, it was not good. She had pancreatic cancer and it was in her spine. The doctor gave her a month to live and sent her home on a Thursday. She passed quietly that following Saturday evening in her sleep.
I had later been asked why I had not believed that God would heal her. It was not that I didn't believe God could heal her, but I knew that God is sovereign and that he alone has the right to give or take life. We are on his schedule, not the other way around. And I also knew that unless God would completely heal her mind, soul, and body that I did not want her to remain down here to keep enduring the life that she had been dealt her whole life. I would want her to be completely whole, and if not, then she should be in heaven where she could enjoy life the way it was meant to be. Her life, that was meant to be.
And I was thankful for those last couple of years when we finally could have a relationship of sorts. Better late than never, huh? I might have been a little ticked at God or just plain angry for his late delivery of me being able to get some of what I had needed from my mother for so long. But he had given me a real understanding of her during this time and I had come to know that it was a gift from him to me, that knew the heart of a child longing to love her mother the way it should have been all along had it not been for the mental illness that robbed all of our family of much of who my mother really was.
I do not know why she suffered as she did. I do not know why she put her family through the kinds of things that she did except that it
came from her own suffering. However, I do know that I do not have to know why. God allowed it to be for us as a family for all those times that were painful. And he took her to be with him when it was her time. Not my time. But his time. Because her time on his proverbial clock got up to the 12:00 hour and she went to be with him never to suffer from any kind of sickness again.
Why does God let things happen to us that break us down? Nothing gets by him that he does not know or allow. But I don't really think we are to dwell on that question so much as to just realize that his ways are sovereign and he knows what he is doing whether we like it or not. And though we pray for the things that we would like him to do, we need to accept that just maybe he isn't going to answer our prayers the way we want him to and then realize that our own time here on earth is ticking away on his clock and at some time when he deems it is time, the hands for us will move towards that hour when he calls us home. And as we do that, we need to do all we can do to be the person he wants us to be until that time.
But, we need to be ready for that time to come. As slowly as time seems to move for us sometimes, it will come all too quickly and if we are not ready when God calls, we will lose out on all he has for us in heaven. If you have not asked him to forgive you and be the Lord of your life, do it now. You have nothing to lose and heaven to gain. He is waiting for you.
And I was thankful for those last couple of years when we finally could have a relationship of sorts. Better late than never, huh? I might have been a little ticked at God or just plain angry for his late delivery of me being able to get some of what I had needed from my mother for so long. But he had given me a real understanding of her during this time and I had come to know that it was a gift from him to me, that knew the heart of a child longing to love her mother the way it should have been all along had it not been for the mental illness that robbed all of our family of much of who my mother really was.
I do not know why she suffered as she did. I do not know why she put her family through the kinds of things that she did except that it
came from her own suffering. However, I do know that I do not have to know why. God allowed it to be for us as a family for all those times that were painful. And he took her to be with him when it was her time. Not my time. But his time. Because her time on his proverbial clock got up to the 12:00 hour and she went to be with him never to suffer from any kind of sickness again.
Why does God let things happen to us that break us down? Nothing gets by him that he does not know or allow. But I don't really think we are to dwell on that question so much as to just realize that his ways are sovereign and he knows what he is doing whether we like it or not. And though we pray for the things that we would like him to do, we need to accept that just maybe he isn't going to answer our prayers the way we want him to and then realize that our own time here on earth is ticking away on his clock and at some time when he deems it is time, the hands for us will move towards that hour when he calls us home. And as we do that, we need to do all we can do to be the person he wants us to be until that time.
But, we need to be ready for that time to come. As slowly as time seems to move for us sometimes, it will come all too quickly and if we are not ready when God calls, we will lose out on all he has for us in heaven. If you have not asked him to forgive you and be the Lord of your life, do it now. You have nothing to lose and heaven to gain. He is waiting for you.
Friends, thank you so much for your support of my blogs everyday. I so appreciate you. Until tomorrow, may God shower his blessings on you!
No comments:
Post a Comment