When peace like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say

It is well, it is well, with my soul

It is well

With my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul

It is well (it is well)

With my soul (with my soul)

It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul

It is well (it is well)

With my soul (with my soul)

It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well (it is well)

With my soul (with my soul)

It is well, it is well with my soul

When going through a difficult situation, God gives us something that we can hold on to. Be it a word of encouragement from a friend, a scripture or....a song.

This song gave me much comfort in a sad time of my life. Upon running across it today it brought back memories of a time in 1995 right before my mother passed.

I have written before about my mother. She was bi-polar and her illness affected our family life as far back as I remember and I am sure, even further back than that. Though I realize now that she loved me during my growing up years, I never felt accepted by her.I was one of 4 siblings. I was number 3 on the list. My older sister was much like my mom in that she loved doing the same things. Gardens, antiques and so on were some of their passions. My older brother had gone to college but ended up being borderline bi-polar himself. My mother catered to him because he felt he was a reject and she tried to help him the best she could. My younger brother was well.....you know, the baby. And spoiled.

And then there was me. Shy, non-aggressive in anything good (or bad either) with no interests in the things that made mom and sister happy. And so I never felt like I belonged and there were times I wondered if I was adopted because my genetic makeup is quite different as well and even to this day, I have felt a kind of emptiness that I did not belong.

Because of the difference in those members of my family and myself, they did cause me to bump heads with my mother from childhood and for years after.. And I can't go into all that and it is not the point of this story anyway. The point is that I was never close to my mom. It did not seem she really cared about my life enough to really take time to know me for who I was. And also how God gave me back some of what I had longed for all my life

Some of the problems was her illness.. She was sick so much of my life. And I did not really understand it. Not until much later.

The Bible tells us, God will give back to us what satan has stolen.Joel 2:25. And while it came almost too late, he did restore a bit of the relationship that had been taken from my mother and myself.

In late winter of 1994 mom had gone through a pretty wild manic spell. And then she hit rock bottom and ended up in a psych unit in the hospital.When she came home, she was still very depressed and she pretty much took to her bed. And during that time when we would go visit her, I would go into her room and sit with her just to be with her. And for the first time that I could ever remember, she actually talked with me at a deeper level. She talked with me about the years I was growing up with a concern about how did I feel as her being my mom.

I can tell you, I was not honest about that with her. She had suffered so much in her life and I had learned much about suffering myself. And so I did not want her to feel guilty any more than she already possibly had. So basically, (and God forgive me) but yes, I did lie.

A few months later my dad called me one day. Mom had gone manic again and it was so bad this time that he and my brother took her to an ER. They were going to run tests on her the next day because she was in a lot of pain and could I go and be with him during that time. Yes, I would go.

The next day, I met him at his house and rode with him to the hospital. Mom had been in a lot of physical pain as well as the mental pain, for a number of years and most of it was in her back. When we got there, they had already taken her down for the testing. And so we sat down in the waiting room.

While there, I got this feeling of like a heaviness that this was not going to turn out good. But then that song came into my mind and it played over and over. "When peace like a river......it is well, it is well with my soul." And deep in my own thoughts, I was praying to God, yes, Lord whatever comes of this, it is well with my soul. I don't remember how long we sat there waiting, but I know it was quite a long time before we knew the outcome. She had pancreatic cancer. The doctor gave her a month to live.

Two days later she was discharged from the hospital, on a Thursday. She passed that following Saturday afternoon. It was hard seeing her go because we had made some progress towards having a closeness that we never had before. But I thanked God for that, for as little as it had been in comparison I knew that God had given me back some of what satan had stolen. And someday I will get the rest back and much more when I see her again in heaven.

She is with Jesus and my dad now, who passed some years later and I would not wish her back to this life. Not in the condition she left in. She is who she was meant to be now. The devil had stolen her in a lot of ways over her life. With her mental illness and all the health issues she had. But God has given her back all that he had taken from her. And she is at peace in the arms of God. And I am thankful for that.

As for me, even in the days following her death,I know he put that song in my mind because it was of such comfort and he knew it was something I needed at that time. Praise God, "It is well, it well with my soul."